Jess ScheulerTrue Blood Recap: Hard Hearted Hannah
July 28th 2009 00:37
Category: True Blood (Recaps, News & More), News
Hard Hearted Hannah
Or
The Fellowship of the Ring
Or
The Fellowship of the Ring
Wearing rings of questionable loyalty this week we have: Jason (honesty ring), Sara Newlin (wedding ring) and Sookie (fictional engagement ring)
First off we have Eric feeding on a fangbanger in the hotel lobby bar. Hilariously, he is bored out of his vampiric mind by his completely willing drink. He suggests that maybe she pretend not to be so into it as it's more interesting if the person isn't as willing. The entire time she's fake moaning "oh baby" (I'm a 1000 years old, I'm no one's baby)while he drinks from her. Her attempts to feign disgust at his actions is so laughable that he gives up trying to get a good drink from her and sends her on her way (payment in hand) with the assurance that if her manager asks, he'll tell him she was "magnificent". Heh. Oh and by the way this is all happening in a relatively quiet, well lit bar, and yet no one is even paying attention. Weird. Apparently Texas is more hardcore.
Lorena meets him at the bar, and reveals that she wasn't walking past Bill and Sookie's room by chance when she heard them, ahem, getting ready for bed. Eric had invited her to come. He's decided to play dirty by summoning her to distract Bill from Sookie and possibly cause their breakup and that he considered booking her a room right next to theirs, but he didn't want to be too obvious. All that he has revealed so far is that Lorena has the most ridiculous faux southern accent. The rest of the episode reveals that it's not the only accent that the actress can do poorly. Seriously, I cringe just seeing her on the screen because I know she's going to open her mouth and when she does, it's going to be painful. Anywho... He openly acknowledges in a truly diabolic way that he wants Sookie and he wants Lorena to make that happen. Gee, I can't imagine what Sookie would find disturbing about Bill and Lorena. Wait. I do, and it involves prohibition, piano playing, an absurd amount of blood and fake Parisian accents.
We go back.. way back.. in a flashback! But I'd take a Eric the Viking flashback over a boring Bill Compton flashback any day. We go back to the time of Prohibition and watch Stephen Moyer play piano and sing quite well. It sounds like he could be doing his own stunt singing. That is the only fun part of the flashback as the rest of it is watching Lorena and Bill pull the WORST french accents I have ever seen on television. They con a rich couple into swinging with them only to torture and kill them before "making love" cough, next to their dead bodies, completely covered in their blood. I've seen a lot of racy scenes in the past season and a half on this show and this one was definitely the worst. And it's certainly not for the squeamish (like me). All I can say, is Boring Bill is actually way better than embrace-your-inner-vampire Bill. Because evil Bill isn't even very fun to watch when he's being bad, he's actually kind of disturbing. Eric is a genius, in that he knows that if Sookie ever had any idea what he was capable of, she would be gone in a flash.
There is more Sam and Daphne mooning over each other. Ewww. But at least a sexed up Sam is way cuter then abstinent Sam. He's really fallen hard for her, so, because sleeping/crushing with/on all waitresses in his employ is ALWAYS a horrible idea, I'm sure this will end horribly.
Meanwhile at the Stackhouse household. The hot water heater breaks and Mariann nearly looses her shit over it. Really? Cause she still stinks like last night's orgy? And campfire smoke? Ok, I'd be all kinds of pissed too. So Eggs and Tara drive out to buy new parts for the heater only to have Eggs wander off into a field he doesn't remember being in but kinda does remember being in. This field includes a bloody rock, evidence of a party and random clothing scattered around. Sufficiently freaked out, they return home to find an entire orgy of black eyes and all out nakedness happening in the backyard and succumb to it quickly.
Jason and Lukinator are put in charge of building a special platform for a "ceremony". Steve Newlin assures them it is going to be for the awesomest vampire burning ever! I can only assume he means Godric will be the main event. Also, apparently, carpentry is not one of Jason Stackhouse's innate talents as opposed to inspiring women into god-given handjobs and climbing fences like a pro.
Back at the hotel Sookie and Isabel's human fiance are going undercover to the Fellowship to find Godric. They get into a conversation about dating vampires and Sookie is shocked to learn that Hugo wants to be turned by Isabel so he can be with her forever. Apparently, she never thought that she was going to get old and wrinkly while Bill remains boring and still young. Another strike against Bill (and Eric).
LaFayette lack of "pizazz" leads to a weird and hateful questioning by Andy Bellefluer over where he dissapeared to for two weeks when he was being held in the dungeon. Lafayette replies that he was on a gay cruise, which even dumb as bricks Andy knows is completely untrue because he would have came back with "more pizazz" not less. When he threatens to lock LaFayette in jail (a dungeon) to make him talk, LaFayette spazzes out and PTS's out, hyperventilating and collapsing to the floor in fear. He is saved by Terry, who experiences them himself as a former soldier. He admonishes Andy for not handling his questioning more respectfully and proceeds to ADORABLY cradle LaFayette on the floor while helping him to go his "Happy Place". PTS BFF's forever! awww. I love how True Blood takes all of these supporting characters and makes them so intriguing and interesting. With the exception of Eric, all the humans on the show are far more interesting to me then the vampires. OH and Pam stops by the freezer at Merlottes to tell LaFayette that Eric is ordering him to deal V again. LaFayette (who is obviously trying to go to his "Happy Place") is equally confused as to why vampires would want him to deal V. As am I.
Meanwhile Hoyt cuts his mother's apron strings when she cuts his cell service to keep him off the phone with "women who call late and are looking for money. After pointing out that he doesn't have any money for Jessica to want, he tells her that he pays the bill and that he's dating a vampire. His mother sufficiently shocked and mortified, he heads off to Texas and shows up at Jessica's door to apologize for not texting her back. Jessica, who had been feeling abandoned, immediately pulls him in for a kiss. Seriously, how are Hoyt and Terry managing to completely upstage Bill Compton in awesomeness?
In person she looks like vanilla pudding -Sookie on Sarah Newlin
Sarah Newlin is rapidly finding that her partnership with her husband is failing. To make up for it, she seduces Jason in the CHAPEL. That's right folks. The chapel. But to be fair, she had just watched her husband and his lackey toss Sookie and Hugo into the Fellowship dungeon after visiting the church as prospective members. She was completely against Steve hurting Sookie (who she regarded as a poor girl who didn't know what she was getting into). Frankly, I thought before this episode that Sarah Newlin was just a power hungry narcissist. But getting a peak into her thoughts, and watching her trying to tell Jason that he's just being used as a tool for Steve's war on vampires, I see that she isn't really as awful as she was portrayed. I mean, she still could go to the cops and tell them about her husband holding Sookie and Hugo prisoner and she could NOT have sex with Jason, but these things would still be the right thing to do and she would get nothing out of it, so of course, she will not do them. Ok, I don't feel too bad for her now. Moving on.
In my experience no good can come from following the drum music, you follow it and all it leads you to are hippies and cults.
Truer words were never said, Sam. He gets jumpy when he follows Daphne into the woods, where she has a surprise waiting for him. The surprise is that she's working for Mariann, who has her lure him to her orgy, where she puts on the horn things and whips out her ceremonial knife. This is not looking good for Sam. But at least we know who attacked Sookie with the claws. But the question is why?
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